i promise i still exist!

i honestly don't know what to say anymore.  i have a myspace:   http://www.myspace.com/thehottestlemon

i'll be happy to add you guys and communicate through there, but i don't have the time to check this as much as i want.
i only write private entries anymore
and i don't even save them because i can't stand reading them the next day.
marta knows.  she doesn't read this, but she nose.  and honestly?  i'm not so sure anyone else does.

the point is, *ahhfuckingcrazyahhhhhhhhhhhhhahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahhhhhhhhhhh*

and now i'm going to make a cake.  redvelvet&frenchvanillaicing.  mm i'm a fake chef.

i wanna try this.

comment and tell me a secret anonymously.

it can be anything - about life, love, a certain situation.

it can be what you love about me, or what you hate.

i simply want honesty.

everyone - do this.  strangers stumbling upon my site, do this.  friends i've known forever, and enemies too - do this.  i want to know.

so

does everyone know that song, "hate me"? i think everyone knows it.

i just wanted to say.. when that song applys to you, it hurts more than anything else in the world. when you listen to the lyrics, and you realize that this is your life, that hurts an extreme amount. thought i would clarify. justin understands, but justin won't read this.

i feel killer nauseous. i want to die a little bit. i suppose it's time for more sleep, although i've already gotten a sick amount today. i'm full of woozy and headachy and stomachachy and ouch.




beanie + man + jess + jess's man (wee!) = more content susan, and also a colder susan, but i love them anyway.


                                                                   ifuckingmissyou
  • Current Music
    blue october, "hate me"

i swear i'm not bitter! and, ilutlh <3

plans, for sure: going to umbc for the academic year. i already filled out the papers, even dorm rooms (with man!!!! OMG) and meal plan stuff. awesome.
scholarships: $10k a year.

i had a bunch at other schools. it's funny that 10k at umbc is more than enough for me to go, but 20k at goucher isn't even close.

the point is.. umbc's social studies program > gouchers. so awesome. i can't wait to be a member of the sondheim program. i can't wait! i'm so excited.

summary of life:
DE > all.
pictures? amazing. ask me for some. not naked ones, though. they are simply awesome.
myrtle beach? not so much. ugh. i love patrick and kelly forever.
easter = beautiful. yay for Jesus! i'm a huge fan.
antonio is beautiful.
i simply cannot wait to get a LU hoodie, or give my lover a uhm-buh-cuh hoodie. we will rock the socks off of everyone. we're painfully close. and i love every second of it.
and, i am never fucking going to manassas again.

the end!
  • Current Music
    gavin is stripped! ;) "overrated"

(no subject)

if i told you, you wouldn't believe.

there are certain things in this world that are inherently beautiful, and no matter what happens, their beauty is immeasurable and, in one's eyes, perfect.

the taste of a single snowflake on your tongue, the sun setting after a long summers day or, the sun rising after partying all night, your best friends' smile, rainbows after rain brightening the sky, stars that are so bright and so clear that you are awestruck and breathless, the view from the satellite at 2 am, tears on a lovers face, those moments in life of simple pure contentness, holding a beautiful boy's hand.

some of these things are lost. but if you wait, they'll always come back. in different forms, sometimes. well, it's never really the same. different situations, different environments, and sometimes, different people.

but they're still beautiful, and nothing, nothing can take that away.

my life is brilliant,
my love is pure.
i saw an angel..
of that, i'm sure...

you're beautiful, you're beautiful,
you're beautiful, it's true.
i saw your face in a crowded place
and i don't know what to do
'cuz i'll never be with you.
you're beautiful, you're beautiful,
you're beautiful, it's true.
there must be an angel with a smile on her face
when she thought up that i should be with you
but, it's time to face the truth..
i will never be with you.


i'm so glad this entire song isn't true. you are beautiful.
  • Current Music
    lots. right now? "somewhere only we know," keane